I should have been the eldest

I sit and think of my life on where it is heading and I sit and conclude that I should have been the eldest in the house. I have two elder brothers and the youngest and the only girl would be ME!

As a kid I’ve been the most notorious and mischievous one in the family. I remember the days I’d take cash from my dad’s pocket and go bowling or buy a nice bracelet or necklace for myself. The best craze of that time would be getting all of Celine Dion’s cassettes and Cd’s so I can imitate her for my Singing and Dance competition. Well as they say, “All things must come to an end”, and I got found out by my dad. This turned the clock anti clock wise. My dad started being very strict to me because he was really hurt. The relationship I have with my dad is actually the closest compared to what my father would have had with my brothers or the one my mother has with my brothers. I don’t speak about my mum and me because there has to be fights daily or it’s considered a weird day to everyone at home and also for the neighbors.

Anyway since I’ve hurt my dad before he’s never trusted me when it comes to money but things have changed. Now days I’m more responsible than my brothers so some how he has learnt to trust me again. Somewhere last year I took a loan from my office and did not tell my dad. Actually I took the loan to help my brother (whom I’m closed too) because he was going into some very bad financial situation. After helping him there last year we had an incident at home again and I had to borrow 1500 from a Good Samaritan to help my brother again. I’ve paid him back RM500.00 but the 1K still hanging.

Last Friday my dad called me and said he wanted 3 months pay slip because he wants to refinance our car and put it under my name. I was stunned one moment there because he will now know that I’ve taken up a loan since it has monthly deductions. Somehow I wanted to fake the pay slip but thought how much greater trouble I’d be getting into and decided to tell my dad the truth! Well not entirely the truth. I went home at 8pm rather scared that night. Thank God my mum was not at home. I managed to tell my dad that I took the money to help a friend and that she pays me every month the money they deduct in my pay slip but somehow he did not trust me. He asked me if it was okay for him to come and question my friends and I said ‘YES’ without pausing. Of course I’ve already told my friends to cover for me by then because I don’t want to get my brother in any trouble.

Anyway my dad asked me to tell my so call friend to pay back the cash or he’s coming to see her. Not knowing what to do finally I got the guts to sms my Good Samaritan again and luckily he helped. So now I owe him 2k!!! I’ve managed to go on a strict budget to pay him back RM100 per month. I really got to thank him personally when I meet him.

I’m glad I spoke to my dad that night though it wasn’t entirely the truth but I see that things have changed the relationship I have with my dad. My dad told me that he wasn’t going to tell my mother to sour my relationship with my mother worst. I’m so glad he’s not utter a word about it to my mother and he’s been talking to me rather in his normal way. Anyway as soon as my friend banked in the money for me I withdrew it and told my dad that it’s the money my friend paid up. He was happy and knew that it had to be a girl giving me the money because he knows for sure I had no savings to come up with that amount of money within a day or two. Just hope he doesn’t know about the Good Samaritan!!!
The thing I’ve learnt from this all is that, I value my dad’s opinion very much in my life. The once I burnt his trust made us not talk to each other for 3 months and that was the black years of my life. The hurt was greater than what I felt my ex-fiancée passed. Therefore I’d never do anything to hurt my dad. If I had to lie to keep him happy I’d do that but just hope and pray daily that, that lie does not burn me towards the end.

For now I know there’s nothing else to hide from my dad when it comes to my financial situation or life because we’re friends back again. I will pay my Good Samaritan back really soon and that would be the end of borrowing money from anyone. It’s time I save. But the only way I’m going to save is by getting a new job!

Looking back at the responsibilities and also the time I spend at home compared to my brother I just think I should have been the eldest for I carry on my shoulder a heavy load. Would I ever find a door away from this load?......................................................