Weird Day

What a weird day I had yesterday. For those who were following my blog, you would know I had a massive break off lately. Well with heated arguments and words going criss cross, we (the guy and his parents and I) agreed on comman grounds to end it all. Is it really over on his side? I guess not upon the visit by his family in my house last night!

When I reached home last night I saw D's car and saw lots of sandals and shoes in front of my house. I thought for one minute that perhaps his parents and he has come to give me the wedding card of D. To my suprise when I entered the house his mother just hugged me and kissed my forehead telling how sorry she is for all the words she use on me and then telling me how thin I've grown and all those usual typical indian lady speech! I too apologized for all the words I have thrown towards her in anger and she just said " I understand sweetie, anyone in your shoes may have said worse things!". Now that was an eye shocking situation! I was in total shocked.

The thing in my head was, WHY must they pay me the visit? They told my parents how D misses me and that they just thought of meeting me. Now this is the very same people who said they can get many proposals for their son out there and yet now they are back!!!. Who do they think of me? They think I'm a toy whom they can fiddle and pass me whenever they want? Anyway I just kept my cool and treated them with norm.

The left the house at close to 11.00pm. At 1am D called me and said, " hey I just reached. I know u're sleeping and sorry to disturb u. You looking great. Can we meet up for a movie this weekend?". Being very sleepy I told him i'll speak to him back today. I have a feeling he is trying to patch things back. But how can I accept him after all what has happened!? I definately can't handle a mother in law who's called me a BITCH before in my life and neither can I live my life with a mother in law whom I've called names such as TYPICAL LADY and also say rudely the word SHUT UP!.

I guess I'll call him and tell him that I'm sorry that I can't do movie or even a drink with him. I still have a certain amount of feelings for him but don't want to give him hopes and make it worse than it has already been. I believe if a guy can't fight for you once, you can never be happy with him the second time around. I can't imagine problems arising after marriage and if his mother were to interfere, then he'd not fight for me again. So at this point of time I think letting him go for good is the wise thing to do.

There is a saying that goes, if you love the guy so much let him go and if he returns he is yours. If the guy is meant for you he will return. I know my love for him is true that he has returned but the fact of his character is concerned I don't think he's MAN enough to be my HUSBAND!

Freedom and Fear

A friend once advised me not to be bothered about the world when you blog. Your blog should be your right! Write whatever you want! I even had friends complimenting me for my braveness and boldness telling me how friends should accept someone for what they really are – just as themselves. Yet at times I wonder if I have done the right thing by telling my friends that I have a blog.

At the very start of my blogging days I remember the excitement and also the rate of my heart beat. Each time I saw someone leaving me a comment my eyes just opens wide and my face glows all bright. Days pass the brightness got dimmer and dimmer. All of a sudden I’m running. My behavior of a run is visibly seen upon the frequency of me changing my blog addresses and also maintaining a dual blog to represent split personalities of myself!

I loose two things by running away from blogging. Firstly the credibility and support from friends because they get really bored with the idea of knowing me with different web addresses and the other is I miss having blog anniversaries. I just so envy all those who soundly have many blog anniversaries. Well I blame myself actually because I fear the fear of revealing too much.

Many people I care about reads my blog these days. One thing I know for sure is that even though they are not commenting, they sure are keeping in touch with my life by reading my blog. Knowing this how can I blog about the person who reads this blog? Yes I can change the person’s name and give them an imaginary one, but towards the end of the day the person whom I’m blogging about would in a way know it’s them!! I wonder now where does the freedom of me blogging go now!?

When I’m angry sometimes I write stuffs as to how angry and sad I am. I’m just being bold, brutal and upright but I just don’t want anyone getting hurt by my brutal honestly.

Maybe I should ask all those who reads my blog to comment in the blog and not to ask me about it in reality. Let the blog life be a debate on the blog life so it does not affect the reality life. Yet I know some things are easier said than done. Human’s feelings and thoughts are things we think we can control but we can’t. Until we see, read and feel with the story, no one can predict and say “THIS is how I’m going to react!!!!”.

I’m not sure where this post is heading. Will I blog about my current thoughts or hurt that’s been bugging me?…. Probably I would, BUT AGAIN!, I’m running from FEAR. The FEAR of HURTING someone I CARE and LOVE!

Long overdue Blog

This is a long overdue blog. Anyway will blog it as it was written then. So I’m sorry if it seem very outdated or in the past.

Here it comes……………..


So I’ve not blogged in sometime now. Have I sinned for not doing so? Well some will say YES and some will say NO while some might just look really puzzled by reading this. The answer towards me not blogging will be TIM! If only I had extra hours in my daily life for social events then I’ll have time for weekly and daily blogging. Since 24 hours is all WE have therefore I’ll just have to blog whenever I can.

My first update would be American Idol. SO I don’t have Astro. Ok ok,,, don’t get your eyes popping out now. I do have Astro but the package we subscribe to does not cover channel 70 and therefore I watch the delay version on 8TV every Fridays. So now we’re in our top 2 finalist. I’d say I was shocked that Phil had to leave. I thought that Lakisha and Chris would exit. But based on the performance previous weeks I don’t think it’s predictable anymore. But I’m glad that Melinda and Jordin was still up there moving strong (THEN).., Knowing now Jordin is the winner against Blake.

As normal as any women out there, the only thing that rings a bell in our heads when we hear the bells of American Idol will be Simon Cowell. Gosh, though he’s brutal and rude and very direct, yet he’s also very cute. I know most guys are going now. “What the hell is with girls and Simon?” Well I guess it’s the same thing as Men and Football or JLo or even Aiswarya Rai for the same.

So I saw Simon kissing Lakisha for her performances one of the weeks and I instantly sent a sms to my cousin. “ I’m sad. I caught my boyfriend kissing a girl!!!!”. My cousin quickly replied my message saying, “What? Which BF? When? Where?” and I replied, “ On international TV. He kissed a girl called Lakisha!”. Her reply got me really tickled, “Haiya you ah? Wasting my credit only. I thought u really had a boyfriend!” Everything was just too cute I’ll say.

Lakisha’s exit was very predictable but Melinda’s exit was really both shocking and traumatizing. My cousin who has been following the Idol has stopped watching upon knowing Melinda left. No doubt overall Melinda was THE best compared to the rest. She’s not only the better singer but also she was more matured and experienced singer. All I have to say is that the voting system must been tempered with.

Some have made comments that Melinda is out because she was Simon’s pet. Well I have no doubt that Melinda is going to make more records than Jordin or Blake just like Chris Draughtry compared to Taylor and Catherine.

Anyway, no matter how much people hate Simon, I’ll consider him a darling and his girlfriend must be really proud of him and I know for a fact she IS!!!. Love you SIMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mail Cleaning

I sit and open up all my old e-mail addresses. So called doing data cleaning. I actually laughed almost falling off my chair to see this one e-mail I sent to a stranger.

In my e-mail this is what I wrote :-

Hie there.... U've got an interesting name. I somehow got your e-mail address on my diary and I'm suprised how as well!!! I was wondering if this simplesherina could get to know the mystery person behind the interesting name? ............................................ Hope to hear from you soon. Till then take care and God bless> >.....SHerina

And this is the reply I got :-

......and u've got a 'simple' name ! So ....u wanna get 2 know me huh
??
Yeah .....u'd better know now .......I will start with the most
interesting
part..................................................that u r invited
for
my wedding !! .....

Take care , God Bless U too


I can't believe I actually had a reply like this for trying to get to know a guy! Gosh memories of all the weird things I've done during my childhood

Course course course

My company is forever sending me for courses. I started my two days course yesterday and today is the end of it. Thank God for friends in the internal industry I get to blog today. I just feel like a kid all over again to actually go through the process of studying and also sitting exams for evaluation,. Gosh..

OKay teacher chasing me ... got to go now! hehe blog laterz


love u all

Long time no C

Dear Blog,

wow it's been ages since we met and spoke to each other. I'm sorry I've been too busy screwing up my life and trying hard to make amends to get back on track. You know, I started on a very strict diet only to gain back most of what i've lost. I think back what did I do wrong and then BANG! in my head I see my mistakes. Though I've still not set taste to rice since February 21st yet my eating habit had changed from when I first started my diet.

So today I start back again on my strict painful diet. well as the saying say "An apple a day keeps the doctor away", here i start again with an apple every morning for breakfast.

Since I don't have a social life I can't update you much on that dearie. Well work is hectic as usual. THere's only 3 more months before my financial year ends and reviews are made. Hopefully i gain plight among my boss and get the best out of it all this year.

Deep inside I'm feeling lonely. Wish I had a boyfriend. My best friend Jenny is planning to be married in January next year and I feel somehow lonely about it. Well some people are just not lucky to be in love I guess. There's no proposal happening as well because I'm FAT!. Well it's my fault partly but I think a person who goes for looks are just idiots overall. But then again I can't blame them all because everyone has the right to be choosy about their other halfs.

I went for my "Team Building" this year to Mines. Had a nice time. Funny I'd say. I'll save that for another blog. Actully I've not blogged in sometime that many are wondering if I'm still alive and kicking or not... so I write to you because I know you will convey the news right well to them all that I'm very much alive, very much without a life and still redefining her life.

I'll try to find time to write to you more often. Till I post again you have a blessed day and bless all my friends who reads this...


Lv,
Me!

Time for memories

An empty room with Rick Price's song "Heaven Knows" in my ears is what I can inhale at the moment. Love, is a feeling which I've not felt in a long time. The words, "Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows. Maybe our hearts will find its way cause only heaven knows. And all I can do is hope and pray cause Heaven knows"..... Does Heaven really know? I wonder till today........................................