Weird call

I had the most disturbing call this morning. A girl i know through work just called me to ask me if i'm doing ok because it seems she had a dream that I was dead. How weird I thought. God I hope it is nothing...

WHAT'S YOUR LOVE TO ME

The latest song I wrote

Throughout our busy lives we come across so many people with various walks of life
And we can never stop a sudden friendship that becomes a part of our daily lives
Friendship is something that needs time
To build a sense of trust and love
And only time can help decide
The genuinity of that love
And I would say I am suprised
We've built a sense of trust in a short time
And I'll be thankful all my life
For all the moments we have shared together

Chorus : Cause Baby you're so
Gentle and soft and so sweet in your ways
For all of your love, hugs and kisses
Is what keeps a smile on my face
For I'm so ever grateful to have you
Always here by my side
And baby I pray that this love we share
Would last us a lifetime


Now that I have you here can't think of a day goes by my without you by my side
I'm just amazed of all the changes that's been happening to me since your presence in my life
Amazing how there's so much love
Trapped deep within this heart of mine
Words can't express my joy within
This tears speaks the joy my heart feels
For I'm so glad and thanks to you
I feel each passing day so brand new
And I know this one is true
It was your love that made my life new


Chorus : Cause Baby you're so
Gentle and soft and so sweet in your ways
For all of your love, hugs and kisses
Is what keeps a smile on my face
For I'm so ever grateful to have you
Always here by my side
And baby I pray that this love we share
Would last us a lifetime

Bridge : For there could never be another love to replace you
Cause my heart has this little dreams that only you can fill
And no matter what life has planned for me I'd promise you
A love that's so gentle, so pure and so true
For as long we both shall live

Chorus : Cause Baby you're so
Gentle and soft and so sweet in your ways
For all of your love, hugs and kisses
Is what keeps a smile on my face
For I'm so ever grateful to have you
Always here by my side
And baby I pray that this love we share
Would last us a lifetime

Help me let go

You came and taught me the game of love. With love you taught me that when there’s no pain there’s no gaining. Yet end of it all I had only pain and no gain. When you left, it shattered my heart. Questions, heavy left in my head. How am I to survive? Why does it hurt so badly? So many WHY"S in my head yet nothing has an answer. I try to hide my loneliness but there’s your voice in my head telling me how you wished you were there and you were the one next to me. If only you were still around I could have been a Mrs. or a mom by now. What hurts most is that I never had the chance to even say goodbye.

5 years now since you left. I’ve completed your destiny. I’ve fulfilled your wishes and dreams yet there’s one more left and I’m afraid I can’t and won’t be able to fulfill that last wish baby! I can’t think of anyone who can take your place or even come close to you.

Why is it so hard to get a genuine guy who can accept me for what I am? Lately all my friends are getting married one by one. I can’t help but feel sad for myself. It is already sad enough I don’t have a social life and now it’s getting worst that I don’t have someone to dump my sorrows too. Yes I have friends but I can’t talk to them about my feelings and hurt.

At this point I can’t stop my tears from flooding my cheeks. In my every tear I see you. In my every drop of tear, I see your dimple smile with your arms wide open that makes me wanting to run into your arms, hug you and to feel your soft kisses on my forehead. I remember your gentle touch and your ever moist lips just as clear as your hour of doom. There you lie motionless. Your body so cold. Oh I felt a knife piercing my soul. I’m alive but stuck as if I’ve been striked by lightning, too shocked to cry. Those final hours still give me a shiver each time I think about it. Yet again, in every tear there are fond memories as well.

Help me dear to show me that right person that would be fit enough to take your place. I don’t want this silence to hurt me greater dearie. It’s coming to 5 years and I can’t control my feelings and the promise that I’ve made to you baby. Help me to let go love. Help me. Oh I wish I could just have you standing in front of me for one last time. I seriously would just once want to feel your kiss and assuring hug. I just need that shoulder to just scream my heart out and pour our all my sourness and bitterness and sadness……

Help me let go love…………………………………….

An Experience of Meeting GOD

Hello there,

How did your weekend go? Well I’m glad I made a new friend and that is what this blog is all about. I recall and old song by John Osborn.. if I’m not mistaken it’s John or Joe or something like that… The song is all about what if god was one of us. Many Christians especially would hate that song because it’s a mockery of Christianity in general. But I met God through Anita last Saturday.

About weeks now my friend Anita had been talking about her friend whom she knows as God. So last Saturday she was going out with him and she invited me to join. At the beginning I was afraid of crashing an intimate union but then Anita assured me that it was ok to tag along. So I went to Chilli’s BSC to meet them. I was so afraid of either knowing the guy or even making a fool of myself. So when I reached there I messaged Anita to ask her where she was and she said she was sitting near the bar. I walked and there saw the back view of Anita. I was facing face to face with God. There he was with very big round eyes, tanned about my colour, wide smile. I said Hi, introduced myself and after that we moved to another table. It was a good meet I will say. I had found memories.

Hopefully we could do this another time again………………….

Sunday was at church. Since I drank white wine Saturday, I had lots of recovering sessions at home on Sunday. And today is Monday the day we all dread because we are at work!!! Sob sob sob. Can’t wait for the week to run pass fast so I can catch up with myself for a change next week! That is if I don’t get an invitation to loose out again!

Oh by the way, I know God’s name is S now so I’ll call him S and not God for I’ll be a sinner :). Cheers all…………………………….

My Life Last Whole Week

Last week Monday was my competency appraisal week. Competency ratings are what my company bases on for a staff’s annual increment. Since hearing the news about appraisal week, my tummy was just growling like a hungry tiger hunting for its prey. The stress and anticipation of the wait only contributed in me going up and down the toilet. Sorry I guess that was too much detail for you. Hehehe

Anyway on Friday my boss called me in at 4pm. My whole appraisal lasted 1 ½ hours. We spoke but nothing was argued. Though he did not give me high marks, his approach was definitely softer than my Ex-boss. I thought to myself no point arguing because I’ll not say I have the perfect character. Right after that I rushed for a cab to church because I was leading Praise & Worship last Sunday. Practice seemed Ok and reached home 10pm and straight went to bed.

On Saturday I went to work to learn something from the housing unit. Worked till 2.30 and left to Mid Valley’s Chilli’s to meet my friend Anita. We both shared the triple play but Anita paid for it. Hehe. Thanks ANITA! For the first time I had Red Wine. Before meeting Anita I went to Maybank to withdraw money. First I went to the ATM to withdraw the last 40 in my account but unfortunately the ATM only allows 50 at one go. So what I did was, I walked to the cash deposit machine and deposited RM10 and then again walked to the ATM and withdraw RM50! I’m sure many of you are going “haiyo”!, right? Well I can now imagine the security guard’s face just staring at me like I’m some loose nut around. Hehe. Definitely my most embarrassing moment. Ermmm actually it is one of my most embarrassing moment!. Hmm perhaps I should open a blog on my most embarrassing moments and I’m sure to have a list of it. That would be another post to ponder. Anyway after withdrawing the money I walked straight to Chilli’s and to my surprise I saw Suren sitting with a cute German guy. He looked at me rather surprised! In my head I just hope the surprise look was for him realizing I’ve lost weight! – hehe perasan me!!!

Ok, WHO is SUREN?, many will ask. Well he’s the PILOT nephew of my friend and ex-colleague – the late aunty Vasanta. Anyway so I walked in and headed the bar side and saw Anita as usual with her book and a drink. The place was really crowded that we had to sit at the bar. Well since Anita belanja the triple play, I only paid for my wine and movie. Gosh the tickets for RushHour3 was RM12 this time around!. Anyway at 3.45 we walked to GSC. This is the first time I’m actually drinking Red Wine unlike my usual White Wine, the minute I walked out, everything was moving. That was really bad. The first thing I did when I reached GSC was to buy myself a mineral bottle and a Snickers bar. The minute I dumped my ass on the C12 sitting, I quickly opened the Snickers and started munching while drinking water and WALLA! Situation was under control!

I reached home almost 7.45pm and headed straight to bed. The next morning I drove to church. As I was walking down the entrance of the church I realized my throat was just going haywire! My music notes were flying towards God knows which direction. Shortly I just stopped and did a small prayer and when I took lead of the Praise and Worship I thank God I got back my voice. I’m glad everything went well with church. That Sunday I just came back and slept like a pig to recover from the wine I had. Somehow I feel that the wine effect is still working in me. But then again it could be my imagination…….

Wonder what this week has in store for me! He he